no more

"no more too close"
maybe, if you follow my twitter you have read that tweet in my twitter timeline. yeah, no more. no more too close. just it what in my mind. it doesn't mean that i don't want to be close with someone but i don't want to be very close, just close. and it doesn't mean i want to be an anti-social person.

"when someone you want to care with you don't care with you at all. god will send another person to care with you."
hemm i read that statement from one of my friend on twitter. and yeah, i know it really happened. god, you sent me another person to care with me. but........i don't know. seriously, i felt afraid. oiya, have you ever read my post before, about "fear"? yeah, i didn't explain anything in that post, i just said  fear fear fear fear and fear. now, i will  tell you what i am afraid of. scared. scared to had, scared to lost.  scared to trust. scared to share everything. maybe i should call it was a "trauma". huah i know, as a human we need someone to share about our problems. but, when i needed it, when i should shared it, when there was a lot of friends who cared to me, when i was stuck to think about my pain, when i couldn't stand it anymore, i saw, i heard my friends asked me what's going on with me, what's my problem, and anything else. but i can't.......i can't share it. like there was a padlock in my mouth, and wush~ at that moment my brain full of scared things. then at least i didn't explain anything.

so why i wrote this post on my blog?
i just wanna say :
thank you for all your attention, thanks for everyone who actually cared with me, thanks for everyone who let me cried on their shoulders without knowing any reason what make me cried. sorry i can't explain what's going on with me. maybe one day there will be a day when i forget everything i was afraid of. i hope you can understand.
sorry and once again, thank you.